Rightly Ordered Parents of Athletes: Raising Resilient, Virtuous, and Joyful Young Athletes
St. Augustine taught that a well-lived life depends on rightly ordered love (ordo amoris): loving things according to their proper worth.
He wrote that “it is a brief but true definition of virtue to say, it is the order of love.”¹
We are to love God above all, love people (including our children) for their own sake as image bearers of God, and love lesser goods, such as sports, success, achievement, and recognition, only in their rightful, subordinate place.
When loves are disordered, even good things become destructive idols.
This handbook applies Augustine’s wisdom to the world of youth sports.
Athletics are a genuine good.
They can form the body, discipline the will, teach courage and humility, and foster community.
But sports easily disorder our loves when they become ultimate: when victory matters more than virtue, when the child’s performance defines parental identity, or when weekends belong more to tournaments than to family and rest.
Rightly ordered athletic parenting means sports serve the higher goods of faith, family, character, and the child’s eternal soul…
never the reverse.
Rightly Ordered Love
- Love God First No game, season, or scholarship is worth compromising faith, moral integrity, or worship. Sports are a gift from God, not a rival to Him.
- Love Your Child for Who They Are, Not What They Achieve Your child is a person made in God’s image, not a project, athletic brand or a social media post. Love them consistently, whether they win or lose, excel or struggle.
- Love Excellence in Its Proper Place Striving for mastery in sports is good, but it must remain ordered below love of God, family, virtue, and wisdom. Excellence should serve formation, not become an idol.
- Love the Whole Person Body, mind, soul, and relationships must all be nurtured. Neglecting any one for athletic gain disorders the child’s development.
- Love Joy and Freedom Sports should ultimately increase delight in God’s creation and the goodness of embodied life. Sustained misery or bondage to performance signals disordered love.
Practical Guidance
Physical Development & Health Treat the body as a temple and a good gift, not a tool for glory.
- Prioritize sleep, nutrition, and recovery as acts of stewardship.
- Teach the child to respect their body’s limits rather than idolize pushing through all pain.
- Avoid premature specialization and overtraining that damage long-term health & avoid a coach that insists on your child only playing one sport.
- Multi-sport participation and free play often better serve the whole person.
Mental & Emotional Formation
Form the inner life according to truth and virtue.
- Praise effort, character, and growth far more than outcomes.
- Use wins and losses as opportunities to practice humility, gratitude, resilience, and detachment from worldly success.
- Guard against the child’s identity becoming fused with athletic performance — a common form of disordered love.
- Teach them to find their deepest worth in being a child of God, not in statistics or rankings.
Family Life & Balance
Family is a higher good than any athletic schedule.
- Protect shared meals, prayer, conversation, and rest.
- Do not let one child’s sports dominate the household at the expense of siblings or marriage.
- Say “no” to excessive travel or commitments when they erode family unity or Sabbath rest.
- Model that love for family takes precedence over love for weekend tournaments.
Relationship with Coaches & Teammates
Model love your neighbor, including coaches and opponents, as yourself.
- Support coaches publicly and speak with them privately and charitably when concerns arise.
- Encourage your child to practice justice, kindness, and honesty toward teammates and competitors.
- Oppose any coaching culture that demands disordered priorities (e.g., winning at the cost of integrity or safety).
- Remove your child from environments that harm their soul or body.
- See Rightly Ordered Coaching for common pitfalls to avoid with coaches, especially if you as a parent are the coach.
Competition, Sportsmanship, and Virtue
Sports reveal the order of our loves.
- Compete with full effort while remembering opponents are not enemies but fellow persons.
- Model composure and charity from the sidelines. Never berate officials or opponents.
- Teach that cheating, shortcuts, or performance-enhancing drugs represent profound disorder — loving victory more than goodness.
- Celebrate honorable character in both victory and defeat.
Academics, Future, and Life After Sports
Wisdom and preparation for eternity outrank temporary athletic success.
- Academic formation and intellectual development are higher goods than athletic training.
- Prepare the child for life when competitive sports end (usually by early adulthood).
- Have honest conversations about the realities of scholarships, injuries, and the small percentage who continue at elite levels.
- Cultivate other gifts, interests, and relationships so sports remain properly ordered.
Spiritual Formation
Use sports as a school of virtue and dependence on God.
- Pray with and for your athlete.
- Reflect together on how athletic experiences reveal areas where love needs re-ordering.
- Teach gratitude for talent and opportunity as gifts from God, not personal entitlements.
- Foster detachment: the ability to hold sports loosely while pursuing them wholeheartedly.
Common Pitfalls (Disordered Loves)
- Treating your child’s success as an extension of your own identity or status.
- Loving victory, rankings, or college offers more than your child’s peace and character.
- Allowing sports to crowd out worship, prayer, service, or family time.
- Becoming angry or anxious on the sidelines — visible signs of disordered attachment.
- Measuring your parenting worth by your child’s athletic achievements.
Practical Tools for Rightly Ordered Parenting
- Pre-Season Family Discernment Pray together and discuss: What are our highest loves this season? What boundaries will keep sports in its proper place?
- Post-Game Reflection Questions
- Did we love well today — God, each other, our opponents?
- Where did we see virtue or vice in action?
- What are we grateful for, regardless of the score?
- How can we grow in rightly ordered love?
- Periodic Re-ordering Review Every few months, honestly assess: Is sports serving our highest goods, or becoming a rival?
- The Eternal Perspective Test Will this decision matter for eternity? Will it help form my child into a person who loves God and neighbor well?
Closing Vision
The rightly ordered parent of athletes does not primarily raise a champion, but a saint-in-formation who happens to be a strong, disciplined, and joyful athlete for a season. When loves are properly ordered, sports become a beautiful means of grace — forging courage, humility, perseverance, and gratitude — rather than an end that distorts the soul.
May you love your child wisely, love their gifts generously, and love their formation above all temporary successes. In doing so, you participate in God’s good work of shaping them into fully alive human beings who know how to love rightly.
¹ St. Augustine, The City of God, Book XV, Chapter 22 (trans. Marcus Dods).